Ladies, stop giving your love away for Free

This is a series about my experience with a guy I'll call Curtis. I am going to share with you, my audience, the lessons about life, love, people, lies, truth, and myself that I have learned from our on-and-off relationship.

It is a series because it was life-changing, and the lessons are deep and enduring enough to last me a lifetime. While this may be entertainment for some, I trust that it is relatable for many. Still, most importantly, I pray that it is a source of encouragement, empowerment, and inspiration to all.

Curtis and I were introduced by a mutual friend, which was the first red flag, but honestly, pausing to reflect, I do not regret this decision at all. I asked Curtis what he was looking for, and he told me that he was looking for something serious because he was tired of playing games.

For a couple of months, we spoke over the phone because he was in his home country, but he has been here many times over the past 20 years. His family, who lived here, has been trying to get him to move here, but they were unsuccessful in their efforts. They wanted me to convince him to move here, and expressed to me how much that would mean to them.

Things between us were going great at the time, and there was a delay in his arrival, so I obliged on my own, with financial assistance unknown to him, with the help of a family member, as I was under the impression that we were at the beginning of a relationship. During the past couple of months, communication was flawless, transparent, consistent, and forthcoming, but the day before his flight, I felt a shift. Something was not right, and I couldn't put my finger on it, but it was something I couldn't help but notice. So I am all excited to finally meet this great guy I have been talking to on the phone,

What was a mutual and equal excitement and enthusiasm turned into a lopsided love interest. I was fully aware and not oblivious to what was obvious, so of course I asked him about it, allowing him to be honest with me, and sadly, he was not honest. What he did was continue to feed my hope and blow breath into my dream of possibly having a future with him. He said it was not what I was thinking or feeling at all, it was this instead of that, and that instead of this.

Yeah, in my excitement for a new relationship, I believed him, because what reason does he have to lie to me, right? Lesson #1. People lie because they are liars; they don't need a reason to lie. I was naive. I used to believe that people needed a valid, logical reason to lie, but they don't. In this case, he lied because he was a selfish coward. One of the things he said he loved about me was my honesty, so even when I thought that maybe he was lying to me, I'd say, "nah, one thing he said he loved about me is my honesty, so why would he lie to me?"

Like seriously, I am a good person, I did not do anything to give him a reason to lie to me, so why would he? I would even challenge myself by going back to the person I was talking to over the phone, how forthcoming and transparent he was to me, it just didn't add up. I was in denial with his help because there was no way that the man I was talking to on the phone was the same man that is behaving and doing all of this. It just didn't make any sense, because why would he be doing this? And of course, I would ask again and get answers that I would have more questions because what does he mean by this or that? I don't get it at all. His answers were quite evasive.

He was consistently inconsistent now, so it wasn't always clear where I stood with him or what he wanted with me. He knew exactly how I felt about him, but I was never clear about how he felt about me. Like I said, I was in denial that I was being lied to and played with, and he helped me with mixed signals.

I saw a post on Facebook one time that said, Stop expecting me from other people, I was doing that, and that is what had me trapped. Because I was not only thinking, but believing that we both think alike. For example, if I don't want someone, I won't lie to them because that will encourage them to keep contacting me, and come around me, etc, so why would I lie to someone to keep them coming around me? That doesn't make any sense to me, but that is to me, because apparently, there are people out here who don't see it that way.

Walking around here expecting the truth from everyone is a setup for disappointment, shame, and heartbreak. Not everyone is an honest person; if it were so, the world would be a better place, but then again, maybe not. It takes courage to be honest, so you can't expect courage from a coward. And that's another thing, he was deceitful about who he was, and I believed him.

When I say stop giving your love away for free, I am not talking about sex, your body, I am talking about giving a guy your love, respect, loyalty, commitment, energy, and money. putting him up on a pedestal, giving him king treatment, having expectations. When he has not made it clear to you that he wants you. There is a difference between a man who wants you and the benefits of being with you and a man who just wants to benefit from you. I gave so much of myself to a guy because I believed in a lie, he got to move on with his life as if I never existed, while I was over here picking up the pieces of my heart, mind, dreams, hopes, and expectations.

I don't even know if it would be correct to refer to him as an ex-boyfriend, but I guess I'll call him an ex because he was an example. My experience with him has taught me a lot of lessons, and I will share them all with you. The experience was indeed painful and embarrassing, but like I said before, I do not have any regrets. I am actually sincerely grateful for the experience because I am a better woman today because of it.

Stay tuned for lesson #2. in the next blog. peace and blessings.