Ladies: Stop giving yourself away for free, Part 2

Hello everyone, thank you for reading my blog and being a part of this journey with me. I am pleased that some of you have shared the memories that it has resurrected. I know that this is just entertainment for some, but it is relatable and encouraging to others. Ok, with that being said, let's begin......

While Curtis and I were in different countries, we often discussed what we'd do when he arrived. I was excited and couldn't wait for him to get here, as I genuinely believed him, and at that point, I had no legitimate reason to doubt him. And like I said in my last blog, there was a sudden shift between us when he got here.

So it's been a week since he was here, and we did meet, but we never went out for a date or anything that could be considered one. It was Friday, and I called him to find out if he had any plans for the evening, and he told me no, so I asked about us going to see a movie, but what was showing he was not interested in seeing, so I asked about us going for drinks, and he agreed.

I called him to see what time he would be ready so I could go pick him up, and it was then that I found out that he had gone out with his cousin. His sister told me that the cousin said that he said that he wanted to frustrate me, but the cousin is a known liar, but he wasn't lying this time. Anyways, this sister was his "favourite" sister, and he was her "favourite" brother. So, guess what happened next?

I got irate and sent him a whole bunch of angry text messages because I was hurt by his rejection. At that time, too, I said things in anger to hurt him as much as he hurt me. I told his sister, "Your brother doesn't want me," and she said that I don't know that because the lying cousin could be lying, she'll talk to him and see if she can find out what's going on. And she did say that she always told him that, "Before she's his sister, she's a woman first," and I believed her, you see how trusting I was? I mean, what reason does she have to lie to me, right?

Sigh, she spoke to him and told me that he said that he never said that, and that that was a lie. She invited me to come there to visit her, and while being there, I can speak to him to find out what was going on. While I was there, he got home from work and was getting ready to go out, and didn't say much of anything to me, anything I asked, I would get either basic or evasive responses. It was there that I decided that I would pull back and leave him alone, but his "favourite" sister encouraged me to keep trying, and sadly, I listened to her.

Which brings me to lesson #2. Never go against yourself. I listened to her over myself because she's his sister, not only his sister but his "favourite" sister. I was thinking she knows him better than I do, and I may be wrong about him. Even though that may be true, that she knows him better than I did, I should have still pulled back and left him alone, and in the event that I was wrong, he knew my number.

But, I didn't leave him alone, I didn't listen to myself, I listened to his sister,I listened to the fear that was telling me that if I backed away that I would lose him. What I should have been paying attention to, and being fearful of, is losing myself. How could I lose someone that was never mine? How could my backing away to give him space, and allow time to remove the confusion and provide clarity, mess things up?

If I had listened to myself, I would have saved myself time, energy, and a lot of pain and embarrassment, but like I said before, I do not regret this experience at all, because I have so many lessons. I always used to think that I was always wrong about people, even when it's in front of my face, I always believed that I was wrong. It was then that I started paying attention to myself and started listening to what I had to say to myself.

The friend that I was looking for, that I thought I had around me, was with me, inside me, the entire time. While we are just human beings, we may not get everything right the first time, while we do not know it all, and we get things wrong sometimes, that does not mean that you shouldn't listen to yourself, and don't be afraid to be wrong, that you have to experience pain to know that you were right.

The truth is, you cannot lose someone who was not for you, who was never yours. Your ignorance feeds into your fear, and your fear knows that. I have spent a lot of time since then listening to myself more and trusting in myself. Even though people may or may not mean well, it is you who will feel the pain, experience the embarrassment, and whatever else that comes with it.

Thank you for reading and also sharing with whoever you believe will benefit from this blog. Stay tuned for lesson #3.